Years ago, I spent a few years in California cultivating my new found faith in Christ. Lacking direction and mentorship, I found immersing myself in various forms of Christian media seemed to confirm what I was learning through revelation and scripture as well as hoping to find answers that I longed for. Movies were an occasional medium I used to grasp concepts and provide sustenance to my spiritual growth.
One movie that resonated with me on many levels was the movie, October baby. The movie is based upon a young woman named Hannah who frequently deals with panic attacks and seizures. She feels a void in her life yet can’t fully comprehend the lack of memories and answers from the disconnected remnants of her past.
Long story short, she questions the meaning of her life and despite her young age, the existential crisis seems to take over her every waking moment resulting in havoc in her relationships and her health. She sets on a path to figure out why this disconnect exists and ultimately, finds freedom along the journey.
This movie resonated with me on many levels. For one, I struggled with my purpose from an early age when most children are lost in the wonder of childhood, questions of the purpose of my life would often plague me.
Birthdays are like other milestones; there is a bittersweet celebration that brings to surface memories, dreams, hopes and various reminders.
As I wrestled with God about my birthday and raised up my doubts and questions, I laid out my feelings like a bare rug. And as I pondered over whether I was truly displaced, I heard another word interrupt my thoughts. “Embraced.”
Embraced, not displaced.
Perfectly ordered steps amidst the fragmented chaos. My Father in heaven celebrates my idiosyncrasies that may frustrate me or others. In the spaces of my open heart, I remember that fullness of life fills in the gaps that questions attempt to occupy.
What I sow, will grow.
When I choose to receive grace, the fullness of life will grow.
Fullness. My birthday is on the 7th of October and 7 signifies fullness. There is much celebration to be found in the gift of fullness. One gift I have been given as you have is the chance to discover and re-discover the joy in fullness.
In Your presence, there is fullness of Joy-Psalm 16:11.
Celebration is learning that there is so much life to be lived in each moment.
Moments were never meant to be distant ethereal entities off in the future; moments are meant to capture wonder in the here in the present and in the next pair of eyes I will gaze into.
Now, the gifts that color my soul to newness are usually not physical but ones that magnify the beauty of relational connection.
Copyright © 2019 Shelley Singh